Gremlins vs Critters...

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Growing up I was fucking awesome...I WAS fucking awesome not IT was fucking awesome...I mean Blythe, CA for shit sake? I really didn't get into playing sports until I was a lot older so I resorted to hanging out with bad kids, stealing, saying cuss words, and watching great films such as Leprechaun (Anistons finest work), Candyman, PuppetMasters, Hellraiser...etc...

Two of such films have always stood out to me more than the rest…

Gremlins and Critters…

…but what if….just what if …these two vicious other-worldly creatures, for some crazy cosmic reason met up…and began to fight…who would be the victor?

Gremlin Info:

1. Gizmo is the originator (fuzzy good one, resembles an ex-from middle school).

2. If you get this cute thing wet, clones will blister and shoot off its back.

3. They are very light sensitive. Bright light bright light!-eventually kills them.

4. Now! The last but most crucial bit of info, DO NOT FEED THEM PAST MIDNIGHT! They turn into the green malicious bastards you might recall most…

Critter Info:

1. They are illegal aliens, called “Krites”
2. They are hungry and horny.
3. Individually they can roll into tight balls (as a hedgehog) and has a group they can roll into a large pernicious sphere.
4. Critters have spines, that can be used as sleep rendering projectiles but once barb is removed, the victim awakens. Fucking nuts right?

Now, I’ve drunkishly proposed this battle to friends and they all agree that Gremlins would win the fight. I rea

lly wish I could argue but I agree…it might go like this…

It’d have to be dark, and Gizmo is hammered drunk. He’s already this clumsy ball of fur who sings like a fucking dream. Anyways, so Giz is just dead drunk…Asian drunk, and he is walking home from The Redfox Bar. He staggers around the corner near Marshall and E St. and an 84’ Regal pulls up next to Gizmo and its full of Critters. Gizmo freaks out …just jumps into the gutter wetting himself with whatever dingy water creeks through the gutter. Now there are about 15 Gizmos and 15 Critters, with knives, brass knuckles and bottles of Makers Marker…The Gizmo’s run into the nearby Meat Market followed by a small army of rolling balls of spikes and teeth. Gizmos consume a bunch of Carne Asada and they begin turning into Gremlins. Now its these two mean groups of monsters facing off…bloods and crip type shit. Gizmo, takes a shot of cheap tequila and what happens next usually changes from person to person…what I heard was at nights end, there was a lot of drunk Gremlims and lot of sleeping Gremlins in the darkness of the Carniceria. Critters could only do so much as the Gremlins and Gizmo’s doused themselves with water and beer and the number of Gremlins increased exponentially.

…I don’t know man…I really wish this would happen.